I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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