How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
