If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
