His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
