You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
