Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
