I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
