There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
