I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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