im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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