I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
this just has baby written all over it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
