ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
