highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
