Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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