Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sober January is a disaster.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
