I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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