haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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