In America we eat man semen.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
