I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
