In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
