You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
