3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
