At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
