I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
