I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
