so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
