i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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