My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
