I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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