Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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