We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
