yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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