mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
