ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize