She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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