The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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