Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
