I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
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