you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
