i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
