I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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