Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
