I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I need to calm my uterus...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
