he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
