U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
