Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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