I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
