I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
