Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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