Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
