Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
