Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
