happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
