At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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