well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
